How to create a good impression when you shake hands, and avoid being dominated by others.

We start forming impressions of people we meet from the moment we set eyes on them. A large part of the initial impression that you create comes from your body language. Your posture, facial expression, eye contact, and gestures speak louder than the words you say. We all interpret body language all the time on a subconscious level.

1. Face

The face is the most expressive part of the body. If you are feeling anxious then your facial expression may lead you to appear aloof, disapproving, or disinterested. You can break this misrepresentation by making a conscious effort to smile. Your smile is one of the strongest tools you have in meeting new people. It will help you appear warm, open, friendly, and confident.

2. Eyes

Our eyes give clues to our emotions. A direct stare implies intensity. It may also mean romantic interest, aggression, or fear. Making very little eye contact can either convey shyness or submissiveness. The middle ground of a gaze says that you are interested, secure, and at ease.

3. Hands

Your hands are also very expressive. Open gestures tend to make you appear open and honest. By pointing your finger, or moving your hands closer together, you can draw emphasis to what you are saying. Used in moderation, hand gestures can make you seem enthusiastic and committed to your topic. Making too many gestures can make you appear nervous and uncontrolled. Wringing your hands or touching your sleeves, face, etc. can make you appear tense, nervous, and sometimes dishonest.

4. Posture

The way you hold yourself, your posture, makes a big contribution to your body language and conveys your level of self-confidence. By orienting your body towards someone, you show attentiveness. By falling away from them or leaning back, you show a lack of interest and some level of reserve. When we are feeling low in confidence and want to hide away, we hunch our shoulders and keep our heads down. When we are feeling aggressive or are trying to defend our space, we puff ourselves up. A relaxed body posture will help you to appear and feel more relaxed and confident.

Your posture gives signals about your interest in something, your openness, and attentiveness. It also gives clues as to your status within a group.

In summary, our face, eyes, hands (gestures), and posture express what is going on inside of us. They give clues to others and to us as to whether the words we say are consistent with what we are really feeling. Being aware of our body language can allow us to send a consistent message. Smiling, making eye contact, using open gestures, and using good posture can bring up our level of self confidence.

This page represents a considerable amount of research in body language. What we have compiled is a list of specific gestures and their likely interpretations. Please realize; however, that mood, behavior, and emotion are comprised of several non-verbal cues in succession or all at once and it is unrealistic to assume that one particular gesture in and of itself constitutes the mood or behavior of the other person.

Arm/Leg Gestures

· Crossed arms = Defensive, opposing thoughts

· Crossed legs or ankles = Competitive, defensive, or opposing thoughts

· Partial arm cross where one hand is gripping bicep = Lack of self-confidence

· Open arms, hands = Open-minded, approachable

· Leaning forward with closed arms and/or hands = Aggression, fighting stance

· Exposed wrists (female) = Courtship

Hand Gestures

· Clenched hands = Frustration, anger

· Fidgeting = Anxiety, apprehension

· Finger tapping = Boredom

· Hand-steepling (hands like a church steeple) = Confidence

· Hands on hips = Confidence or impatience

· Hands on table = Poise

· Finger Pointing = Aggressive

· Palms down = Confidence, assertiveness, dominance

· Palms up = Vulnerability, non-aggressiveness

· Handshaking with the other side’s palm up = Giving you the control

· Handshaking with the other side’s palm down = Taking the control

· Handshaking with the thumb pointed up = Shaking like a man

· Sweaty palms = Anxiety, stress, fear

· Rubbing the palms together = Positive Expectation

· Hands interlocked together behind the small of the back = Superiority

· Thumbs tucked in belt with fingers pointed down (males) = Sexually aggressive, virile

· One thumb caught in front pocket (females) = Sexually aggressive

Head Gestures

· Cocked head = Interest, attentive

· Frequent nodding = Enthusiasm

· Head tilted downwards = Negative attitude

· Head tilted back = Superior attitude

· Head toss = Flirting, courtship

Facial Gestures

· Tense jaw muscles = Anger

· Tense mouth = frustration, anger, determination

· Facial flushing (blushing) = anger, embarrassment, physical exertion, shame

· Lowered eyebrows = Disagreement, doubt, uncertainty

· Raised eyebrows = Adds intensity to facial expressions

Hand to Face/Head Gestures

· Eye rubbing = Indicates deception

· Nose rubbing = Dislike or disagreement with the subject or issue

· Ear rubbing = Listener subconsciously blocking words they don’t want to hear.

· Chin Stroking = Making a decision

· Chin resting in between thumb and forefinger pointing upwards = Critical judgment

· Hands or fingers blocking mouth = deceit or surprise

· Head propped up by hands = Disinterest or disrespect

· Face buried in open hands = Extreme emotional distress or sadness

· Both hands interlocked behind head = Show of dominance or superiority

· One hand touching the back of head = Uncertainty, conflict

· Fingertips to lips = Self-consoling gesture used to divert attention. Unexpressed emotion

· Fingertips in mouth = Person is under pressure, stressed

· Neck scratch = Signal of doubt or uncertainty

· The collar pull = Signals deception

Posture

· Leaning forward = Enthusiasm

· Slouching, leaning back = Challenging

· Standing erect = proud, angry

· Straddling a chair = Defensive, YOU against ME

·

Vocalics

· Throat-clearing = Nervousness

Eye Gestures

· Eye roll = Dismissive of the idea being presented, indicates superiority

· Side glance = Suspicion

· Perpetual eye blinking = Deception

Source: http://www.synergyinstituteonline.com

Check out our course Business Communications to learn more.

Improving your body language can make a big difference in your people skills, attractiveness and general mood. There is no specific advice on how to use your body language. What you do might be interpreted in several ways, depending on the setting and who you are talking to. You’ll probably want to use your body language differently when talking to your boss compared to when you talk to a girl/guy you’re interested in. These are some common interpretations of body language and often more effective ways to communicate with your body.

First, to change your body language you must be aware of your body language. Notice how you sit, how you stand, how you use you hands and legs, what you do while talking to someone. You might want to practice in front of a mirror. Yeah, it might seem silly but no one is watching you. This will give you good feedback on how you look to other people and give you an opportunity to practise a bit before going out into the world.

Another tip is to close your eyes and visualize how you would stand and sit to feel confident, open and relaxed or whatever you want to communicate. See yourself move like that version of yourself. Then try it out. You might also want observe friends, role models, movie stars or other people you think has good body language. Observe what they do and you don’t. Take bits and pieces you like from different people. Try using what you can learn from them.

Some of these tips might seem like you are faking something. But fake it til you make it is a useful way to learn something new. And remember, feelings work backwards too. If you smile a bit more you will feel happier. If you sit up straight you will feel more energetic and in control. If you slow down your movements you’ll feel calmer. Your feelings will actually reinforce your new behaviours and feelings of weirdness will dissipate.

In the beginning easy it’s to exaggerate your body language. You might sit with your legs almost ridiculously far apart or sit up straight in a tense pose all the time. That’s ok. And people aren’t looking as much as you think, they are worrying about their own problems. Just play around a bit, practice and monitor yourself to find a comfortable balance.

1. Don’t cross your arms or legs – You have probably already heard you shouldn’t cross your arms as it might make you seem defensive or guarded. This goes for your legs too. Keep your arms and legs open.

2. Have eye contact, but don’t stare – If there are several people you are talking to, give them all some eye contact to create a better connection and see if they are listening. Keeping too much eye-contact might creep people out. Giving no eye-contact might make you seem insecure. If you are not used to keeping eye-contact it might feel a little hard or scary in the beginning but keep working on it and you’ll get used to it.

3. Don’t be afraid to take up some space – Taking up space by for example sitting or standing with your legs apart a bit signals self-confidence and that you are comfortable in your own skin.

4. Relax your shoulders – When you feel tense it’s easily winds up as tension in your shoulders. They might move up and forward a bit. Try to relax. Try to loosen up by shaking the shoulders a bit and move them back slightly.

5. Nod when they are talking – nod once in a while to signal that you are listening. But don’t overdo it and peck like Woody Woodpecker.

6. Don’t slouch, sit up straight – but in a relaxed way, not in a too tense manner.

7. Lean, but not too much – If you want to show that you are interested in what someone is saying, lean toward the person talking. If you want to show that you’re confident in yourself and relaxed lean back a bit. But don’t lean in too much or you might seem needy and desperate for some approval. Or lean back too much or you might seem arrogant and distant.

8. Smile and laugh – lighten up, don’t take yourself too seriously. Relax a bit, smile and laugh when someone says something funny. People will be a lot more inclined to listen to you if you seem to be a positive person. But don’t be the first to laugh at your own jokes, it makes you seem nervous and needy. Smile when you are introduced to someone but don’t keep a smile plastered on your face, you’ll seem insincere.

9. Don’t touch your face – it might make you seem nervous and can be distracting for the listeners or the people in the conversation.

10. Keep you head up – Don’t keep your eyes on the ground, it might make you seem insecure and a bit lost. Keep your head up straight and your eyes towards the horizon.

11. Slow down a bit – this goes for many things. Walking slower not only makes you seem more calm and confident, it will also make you feel less stressed. If someone addresses you, don’t snap you’re neck in their direction, turn it a bit more slowly instead.

12. Don’t fidget – try to avoid, phase out or transform fidgety movement and nervous ticks such as shaking your leg or tapping your fingers against the table rapidly. You’ll seem nervous and fidgeting can be a distracting when you try to get something across. Declutter your movements if you are all over the place. Try to relax, slow down and focus your movements.

13. Use your hands more confidently – instead of fidgeting with your hands and scratching your face use them to communicate what you are trying to say. Use your hands to describe something or to add weight to a point you are trying to make. But don’t use them to much or it might become distracting. And don’t let your hands flail around, use them with some control.

14. Lower your drink – don’t hold your drink in front of your chest. In fact, don’t hold anything in front of your heart as it will make you seem guarded and distant. Lower it and hold it beside your leg instead.

15. Realise where you spine ends – many people might sit or stand with a straight back in a good posture. However, they might think that the spine ends where the neck begins and therefore crane the neck forward in a Montgomery Burns pose.Your spine ends in the back of your head. Keep you whole spine straight and aligned for better posture.

16. Don’t stand too close –one of the things we learned from Seinfeld is that everybody gets weirded out by a close-talker. Let people have their personal space, don’t invade it.

17. Mirror – Often when you get along with a person, when the two of you get a good connection, you will start to mirror each other unconsciously. That means that you mirror the other person’s body language a bit. To make the connection better you can try a bit of proactive mirroring. If he leans forward, you might lean forward. If she holds her hands on her thighs, you might do the same. But don’t react instantly and don’t mirror every change in body language. Then weirdness will ensue.

18. Keep a good attitude – last but not least, keep a positive, open and relaxed attitude. How you feel will come through in your body language and can make a major difference.

You can change your body language but as all new habits it takes a while. Especially things like keeping you head up might take time to correct if you have spent thousands of days looking at your feet. And if you try and change to many things at once it might become confusing and feel overwhelming.

Take a couple of these body language bits to work on every day for three to four weeks. By then they should have developed into new habits and something you’ll do without even thinking about it. If not, keep on until it sticks. Then take another couple of things you’d like to change and work on them.

Check out of Business Communication Course to learn more about body language and communication skills.

Check out the following video for some tips for body language:

Ref: Article by Henrik Edberg “18 ways to improve your body language”, The Positivity Blog.

When we’re in school or at work, we’re taught to improve our words. We learn to improve our language and words to impress. We learn to construct clever chains of words to gain an upper hand and to communicate more clearly. But when we grow up we learn very little beyond improving our words.

1. …words are only 7 percent of your communication.
The rest is your voice tonality (38 percent) and your body language at 55 percent. That’s according to research done by Albert Mehrabian, currently Professor Emeritus in psychology at UCLA. These numbers may vary depending upon the situation and what is communicated (for instance, talking over the phone is obviously different from talking face to face) but body language is a very important part of communication.

2. Increase your attractiveness
It’s not what you say, it’s how you say it. A better posture, a more open body language, a more controlled and focused body language will make everyone more attractive. And not just in a sexual way but when talking to new friends or in job interviews and business meetings.

3. Emotions are linked to your body language
Emotions work backwards too. If you feel good you’ll smile. If you force yourself to smile you’ll feel good too. If you feel tired or down you might sit slumped down. If you sit slumped down you’ll feel more tired and negative. Just try to sit straight up for 5 minutes and feel the difference in energy from half-lying in your chair.

4. Reduce mixed messages
If you’re in a job interview and you talk with a steady voice and say all the confident things you should but your body language tells your maybe-employers that you are very nervous or guarded then you are incongruent (and perhaps without that job). What you want is be congruent, that is for your words, your voice and your body language to say the same thing.

5. Improve your communication skills
If you improve your body language you can get your thoughts across in a more effective way. You can create a connection to another person more easily. When using more powerful and appropriately balanced body language your communication skills become more focused and better.

6. Better first impressions
Everyone stereotypes everyone on first impression, even if we are reluctant to do it. We all get a first impression of a new person that creates a mental image of his or her personality in our minds. That image of you often lasts. Having a better body language will consistently give people a more positive mental snapshot of you.

You can also enhance your knowledge and understanding of body language by registering for our Business Communications course where we look at the whole area of body language and communication.  This course covers:

• Body Language
• Written Communication
• Oral Communication
• Communication Targets

Ref: Article by Henrik Edberg “6 reasons to improve your body language”, the Postitivity Blog.