Communication skills include the mix of verbal, interpersonal and physical strategies needed to interact confidently and effectively with a range of audiences. A skilful communicator draws on a number of different means (e.g., graphical, visual, statistical, audio-visual and technological) to get the point across.
Effective oral communication skills help people to:
improve their own academic performance;
increase their employment options;
enhance their subsequent professional competence; and
improve their own personal effectiveness.
Employers place a high value on good oral communication because:
staff need to interact effectively and productively in, and on behalf of, the organisation;
listening to and conveying information accurately are crucial;
giving instructions and explanations clearly are essential; and
engaging in constructive debate and contributing to meetings and committees are fundamental to the success of the organisation.
“Employers see communication skills as critical to customer service and workplace harmony, effective operations and productivity.”, Business Council of Australia and Australian Chamber of Commerce and Industry. (2002). Employability Skills for the Future.
Research has found that the important elements of communication identified by small, medium and large enterprises are:
listening and understanding;
speaking clearly and directly;
writing to the needs of the audience;
negotiating responsively;
reading independently;
empathising;
using numeracy effectively;
understanding the needs of internal and external customers;
persuading effectively;
establishing and using networks;
being assertive;
sharing information; and
speaking and writing in languages other than English.
Many people are intimidated by writing. Even so, there are times when writing is the best way to communicate, and oftentimes the only way to get your message across.
When writing, be mindful of the fact that once something is in written form, it cannot be taken back. Communicating in this way is more concrete than verbal communications, with less room for error and even less room for mistakes. This presents written communicators with new challenges, including spelling, grammar, punctuation, even writing style and actual wording.
Thankfully, today’s technology makes memo, letter and proposal writing much easier by providing reliable tools that check and even correct misspelled words and incorrect grammar use. Unfortunately, these tools are not fail proof and will require your support, making your knowledge in this area important.
Some of the most basic tips to remember when writing include:
Avoid the use of slang words
Try not to use abbreviations (unless appropriately defined)
Steer away from the use of symbols (such as ampersands [&])
Clichés should be avoided, or at the very least, used with caution
Brackets are used to play down words or phrases
Dashes are generally used for emphasis
Great care should ALWAYS be taken to spell the names of people and companies correctly
Numbers should be expressed as words when the number is less than 10 or is used to start a sentence (example: Ten years ago, my brother and I…). The number 10, or anything greater than 10, should be expressed as a figure (example: My brother has 13 Matchbox cars.)
Quotation marks should be placed around any directly quoted speech or text and around titles of publications.
Keep sentences short
While the above tips cover the most common mistakes made when writing letters, memos and reports, they in no way cover everything you need to know to ensure your written communications are accurate and understood.
When writing letters, it is best to address the letter to an individual. And, when beginning the letter with a personal name, be sure to end it with an appropriate closing, such as ‘Sincerely yours’. If you cannot obtain an individual’s name, consider ending it with a more generic (less personal) closing, such as ‘With kindest regards’.
For normal business letters, your letter should start with an overall summary, showing in the first paragraph why the letter is relevant to the reader. It’s not a good practice to make the reader go past the first paragraph to find out why the letter was sent to them.
The body of the letter needs to explain the reason for the correspondence, including any relevant background and current information. Make sure the information flows logically, ensuring you are making your points effectively.
The closing of the letter is the final impression you leave with the reader. End with an action point, such as ‘I will call you later this week to discuss this further’.
Perhaps the most important thing to remember when writing a letter is to check it thoroughly when it is completed. Even when you think it is exactly what you want, read it one more time. This “unwritten” rule holds true for everything you write – memos, letters, proposals, and so on.
Use both the grammar and spell check on your computer, paying very, very close attention to every word highlighted. Do not place total faith on your computer here. Instead, you should have both a printed dictionary and thesaurus nearby to double-check everything your computers editing tools highlight, as these tools are certainly not always reliable, for a variety of reasons.
When checking your written communications, make sure the document is clear and concise. Is there anything in the written communication that could be misinterpreted? Does it raise unanswered questions or fail to make the point you need to get across?
Can you cut down on the number of words used? For instance, don’t use 20 words when you can use 10. While you do not want to be curt or abrupt, you do not want to waste the reader’s time with unnecessary words or phrases.
Is your written communication well organized? Does each idea proceed logically to the next? Make sure your written communications are easy to read and contain the necessary information, using facts where needed and avoiding information that is not relevant. Again, outline the course of action you expect, such as a return call or visit.
Close appropriately, making sure to include your contact information. While this may seem obvious, it is sometimes overlooked and can make your written communications look amateurish. This can diminish your chances of meeting your written communication’s goals.
Improving your body language can make a big difference in your people skills, attractiveness and general mood. There is no specific advice on how to use your body language. What you do might be interpreted in several ways, depending on the setting and who you are talking to. You’ll probably want to use your body language differently when talking to your boss compared to when you talk to a girl/guy you’re interested in. These are some common interpretations of body language and often more effective ways to communicate with your body.
First, to change your body language you must be aware of your body language. Notice how you sit, how you stand, how you use you hands and legs, what you do while talking to someone. You might want to practice in front of a mirror. Yeah, it might seem silly but no one is watching you. This will give you good feedback on how you look to other people and give you an opportunity to practise a bit before going out into the world.
Another tip is to close your eyes and visualize how you would stand and sit to feel confident, open and relaxed or whatever you want to communicate. See yourself move like that version of yourself. Then try it out. You might also want observe friends, role models, movie stars or other people you think has good body language. Observe what they do and you don’t. Take bits and pieces you like from different people. Try using what you can learn from them.
Some of these tips might seem like you are faking something. But fake it til you make it is a useful way to learn something new. And remember, feelings work backwards too. If you smile a bit more you will feel happier. If you sit up straight you will feel more energetic and in control. If you slow down your movements you’ll feel calmer. Your feelings will actually reinforce your new behaviours and feelings of weirdness will dissipate.
In the beginning easy it’s to exaggerate your body language. You might sit with your legs almost ridiculously far apart or sit up straight in a tense pose all the time. That’s ok. And people aren’t looking as much as you think, they are worrying about their own problems. Just play around a bit, practice and monitor yourself to find a comfortable balance.
1. Don’t cross your arms or legs – You have probably already heard you shouldn’t cross your arms as it might make you seem defensive or guarded. This goes for your legs too. Keep your arms and legs open.
2. Have eye contact, but don’t stare – If there are several people you are talking to, give them all some eye contact to create a better connection and see if they are listening. Keeping too much eye-contact might creep people out. Giving no eye-contact might make you seem insecure. If you are not used to keeping eye-contact it might feel a little hard or scary in the beginning but keep working on it and you’ll get used to it.
3. Don’t be afraid to take up some space – Taking up space by for example sitting or standing with your legs apart a bit signals self-confidence and that you are comfortable in your own skin.
4. Relax your shoulders – When you feel tense it’s easily winds up as tension in your shoulders. They might move up and forward a bit. Try to relax. Try to loosen up by shaking the shoulders a bit and move them back slightly.
5. Nod when they are talking – nod once in a while to signal that you are listening. But don’t overdo it and peck like Woody Woodpecker.
6. Don’t slouch, sit up straight – but in a relaxed way, not in a too tense manner.
7. Lean, but not too much – If you want to show that you are interested in what someone is saying, lean toward the person talking. If you want to show that you’re confident in yourself and relaxed lean back a bit. But don’t lean in too much or you might seem needy and desperate for some approval. Or lean back too much or you might seem arrogant and distant.
8. Smile and laugh – lighten up, don’t take yourself too seriously. Relax a bit, smile and laugh when someone says something funny. People will be a lot more inclined to listen to you if you seem to be a positive person. But don’t be the first to laugh at your own jokes, it makes you seem nervous and needy. Smile when you are introduced to someone but don’t keep a smile plastered on your face, you’ll seem insincere.
9. Don’t touch your face – it might make you seem nervous and can be distracting for the listeners or the people in the conversation.
10. Keep you head up – Don’t keep your eyes on the ground, it might make you seem insecure and a bit lost. Keep your head up straight and your eyes towards the horizon.
11. Slow down a bit – this goes for many things. Walking slower not only makes you seem more calm and confident, it will also make you feel less stressed. If someone addresses you, don’t snap you’re neck in their direction, turn it a bit more slowly instead.
12. Don’t fidget – try to avoid, phase out or transform fidgety movement and nervous ticks such as shaking your leg or tapping your fingers against the table rapidly. You’ll seem nervous and fidgeting can be a distracting when you try to get something across. Declutter your movements if you are all over the place. Try to relax, slow down and focus your movements.
13. Use your hands more confidently – instead of fidgeting with your hands and scratching your face use them to communicate what you are trying to say. Use your hands to describe something or to add weight to a point you are trying to make. But don’t use them to much or it might become distracting. And don’t let your hands flail around, use them with some control.
14. Lower your drink – don’t hold your drink in front of your chest. In fact, don’t hold anything in front of your heart as it will make you seem guarded and distant. Lower it and hold it beside your leg instead.
15. Realise where you spine ends – many people might sit or stand with a straight back in a good posture. However, they might think that the spine ends where the neck begins and therefore crane the neck forward in a Montgomery Burns pose.Your spine ends in the back of your head. Keep you whole spine straight and aligned for better posture.
16. Don’t stand too close –one of the things we learned from Seinfeld is that everybody gets weirded out by a close-talker. Let people have their personal space, don’t invade it.
17. Mirror – Often when you get along with a person, when the two of you get a good connection, you will start to mirror each other unconsciously. That means that you mirror the other person’s body language a bit. To make the connection better you can try a bit of proactive mirroring. If he leans forward, you might lean forward. If she holds her hands on her thighs, you might do the same. But don’t react instantly and don’t mirror every change in body language. Then weirdness will ensue.
18. Keep a good attitude – last but not least, keep a positive, open and relaxed attitude. How you feel will come through in your body language and can make a major difference.
You can change your body language but as all new habits it takes a while. Especially things like keeping you head up might take time to correct if you have spent thousands of days looking at your feet. And if you try and change to many things at once it might become confusing and feel overwhelming.
Take a couple of these body language bits to work on every day for three to four weeks. By then they should have developed into new habits and something you’ll do without even thinking about it. If not, keep on until it sticks. Then take another couple of things you’d like to change and work on them.
When we’re in school or at work, we’re taught to improve our words. We learn to improve our language and words to impress. We learn to construct clever chains of words to gain an upper hand and to communicate more clearly. But when we grow up we learn very little beyond improving our words.
1. …words are only 7 percent of your communication.
The rest is your voice tonality (38 percent) and your body language at 55 percent. That’s according to research done by Albert Mehrabian, currently Professor Emeritus in psychology at UCLA. These numbers may vary depending upon the situation and what is communicated (for instance, talking over the phone is obviously different from talking face to face) but body language is a very important part of communication.
2. Increase your attractiveness
It’s not what you say, it’s how you say it. A better posture, a more open body language, a more controlled and focused body language will make everyone more attractive. And not just in a sexual way but when talking to new friends or in job interviews and business meetings.
3. Emotions are linked to your body language
Emotions work backwards too. If you feel good you’ll smile. If you force yourself to smile you’ll feel good too. If you feel tired or down you might sit slumped down. If you sit slumped down you’ll feel more tired and negative. Just try to sit straight up for 5 minutes and feel the difference in energy from half-lying in your chair.
4. Reduce mixed messages
If you’re in a job interview and you talk with a steady voice and say all the confident things you should but your body language tells your maybe-employers that you are very nervous or guarded then you are incongruent (and perhaps without that job). What you want is be congruent, that is for your words, your voice and your body language to say the same thing.
5. Improve your communication skills
If you improve your body language you can get your thoughts across in a more effective way. You can create a connection to another person more easily. When using more powerful and appropriately balanced body language your communication skills become more focused and better.
6. Better first impressions
Everyone stereotypes everyone on first impression, even if we are reluctant to do it. We all get a first impression of a new person that creates a mental image of his or her personality in our minds. That image of you often lasts. Having a better body language will consistently give people a more positive mental snapshot of you.
You can also enhance your knowledge and understanding of body language by registering for our Business Communications course where we look at the whole area of body language and communication. This course covers:
Body Language
Written Communication
Oral Communication
Communication Targets
Ref: Article by Henrik Edberg “6 reasons to improve your body language”, the Postitivity Blog.
Accounting — often called the language of business — is the process of recording, classifying, reporting and analysing financial data. And while the accounting requirements of every business vary, all organisations need a way to keep track of their money.
Unfortunately, there’s very little that’s intuitive about accounting. Many small businesses hire accountants to set up and keep their books. Other companies use accounting software like QuickBooks, CheckMark Multi-Ledger and M.Y.O.B. Accounting and keep their accounting functions in house.
It’s All about Balance
Using a system of debits and credits, called double-entry accounting, accountants use a general ledger to track money as it flows in and out of a business. They record each financial transaction on a balance sheet, which provides a snapshot of a business’s financial condition. Accountants record every financial transaction in a way that keeps the following equation balanced:
Assets = Liabilities + Owner’s Equity (Capital)
The Accounting Cycle
Accounting is based on the periodic reporting of financial data. The basic accounting cycle includes:
Recording business transactions. Businesses keep a daily record of transactions in sales journals, cash-receipt journals or cash-disbursement journals.
Posting debits and credits to a general ledger. A general ledger is a summary of all business journals. An up-to-date general ledger shows current information about accounts payable, accounts receivable, owners’ equity and other accounts.
Making adjustments to the general ledger. General-ledger adjustments let businesses account for items that don’t get recorded in daily journals, such as bad debts, and accrued interest or taxes. By adjusting entries, businesses can match revenues with expenses within each accounting period.
Closing the books. After all revenues and expenses are accounted for, any net profit gets posted in the owners’ equity account. Revenue and expense accounts are always brought to a zero balance before a new accounting cycle begins.
Preparing financial statements. At the end of a period, businesses prepare financial reports — income statements, statements of capital, balance sheets, cash-flow statements and other reports — that summarize all of the financial activity for that period.
The Importance of Financial Statements
At the end of a period — either annually or more frequently, depending on the length of a business’s accounting cycle — accountants create financial statements that show the financial health (or decline) of a business.
Many people inside and outside a company use the information found in financial statements. Business owners and managers use the data in financial statements to chart the course of their companies, project revenues and expenses, monitor cash flow, keep tabs on costs and plan for the future. Present and prospective employees also want to see their employers’ financial performance.
Stockholders and investors closely examine financial statements to check a company’s performance. They want to compare a business’s financial statements with those of other companies to guide their investment choices. Bankers look at a company’s most recent financial statements when they make lending decisions.
Financial statements also make it easier to for accountants to prepare tax returns and report financial information to the Internal Revenue Service. In fact, so many business partners, investors, and other interested parties rely on your these documents that it’s important to get a handle on all the common financial reports your business will be expected to produce.
If you are interested in learning more about Accounting Basics and developing an understanding and appreciation of the importance of record keeping, check out our web-based course Accounting Basics.
Did you ever wonder, why you should learn how to use Google? Do you use a book to keep track of you contacts? Or like Seth Godin puts it:
Can you imagine someone who works in a factory that processes metal not knowing how to use a blowtorch?
For many people, it is part of their job to use a computer, but how efficient are you? Do you want to increase your productivity?
Don’t worry, you don’t have to spend hunderts of dollars to buy your own Microsoft Office version and try everything out. Have a look at this Microsoft Office Word 2007 course? If you are already an expert, why don’t you try one of our Microsoft Office Specialist Courses, like Microsoft Access Specialist Training 2003.
You can also try most of the Microsoft Features in OpenOffice, which was recently released in the version 3.0. This software in many instances better then the Microsoft counterpart and it is free. Try it out if you don’t belive me, download the installation file, and run the install programm.
Sometimes when I try to explain my dream to my family and friends, I get blank stares. My enthusiasm does not find an eager audience. Most of the times, I try and avoid this situation by just keeping quiet about my dreams, but there are times when I can’t contain my excitement. I do understand that everyone operates from their belief system, just as I do. But how come the belief systems are different in the very same family in which we grow up? What exactly determines our belief systems? Is it the cumulative experience and influence of one lifetime or infinite life times?
Since I am a past life regression therapist, I know that our past lives do affect our present belief systems, but for most people this fact is difficult to digest. Most of us believe that our beliefs come primarily from our childhood conditioning. If we are told as children that telepathy does not exist, we will grow up believing it to be our truth. However, it is only a belief and not a fact. Most of what we believe is not based on facts in any case. Now suppose that as a grown-up you come across someone who can demonstrate to you that telepathy does exist. What will you do now? Will you accept this new truth?
Generally even when a fact is offered with proof, skeptic minds would try and block it. They try and skip to another reality zone, just to avoid changing their beliefs. It is a sort of automatic defense mechanism of the ego. Sometimes, when you are trying your best to explain something new to someone, they get a glazed look in their eyes. Their attention drifts off. They stop paying attention to you. This is their mind’s way of blocking out information that does not tally with its belief system. Only an open mind can absorb new information and evaluate it on its own terms.
So, now I have decided to share my dreams only with those people who believe in me. I am not here to change anyone’s belief systems, I am here to have faith in my belief system and evaluate it from time to time. I am here to discard beliefs that do not work for me any more and form experiential beliefs that always work. I do not believe that successful people are just lucky. I know that one becomes successful by believing in one’s dreams.
My motivation comes from setting big goals. Big goals to me mean goals that seem fantastic, out of reach, slightly scary, and not commiserating with the current appearances of reality. Say, for example, I had set a goal of becoming a life skills coach, when I was just a homemaker. It took me two years and various small steps of being a communication skills teacher, verbal ability instructor for management entrance exams, a columnist, a healer, and finally a life skills coach. Wow! It seems like a dream run. Throughout this period I stayed motivated by writing my goal in great detail, letting go of it in care of the universe, and taking small inspired actions when needed.
Such miracles happen in my life all the time. Invariably I am led to the right people, right opportunities and right know-how to achieve my goals. After one goal is achieved, I set another big goal. Right now my big goal is to be conducting my empowering workshops throughout the world. It does seem impossible to some, but to me it is my reality, whether I can see it in my present environment or not.
I stay motivated by my complete faith in the universe and its infallible laws. My motivation also comes from imagining a bigger, brighter, and more colourful life than I currently lead. I put my emotions into this picture and live it in my mind. Eventually I am led to take decisive action. This action is always inspired, and I do it to the best of my ability with gay abundance.
I have written my new life story keeping all areas of my life, viz, career, money, health, friends, family, personal development, recreation, and personal environment in right perspective. I run this story through my mind at least twice a day. Each run builds up a new momentum, and I feel excited about taking actions to reach my goals. I know people who live the kind of life that I live, and I also know people whose lives are full of boredom, discontent, and mediocrity. I feel grateful to the universe because my eyes and mind are open. I have discovered my potential. I have chosen my life of purpose and passion. I feel ecstatic. Life sure is beautiful!
Myths have a way of perpetuating themselves. There are quite a few related to training and learning too. Everyone seems to believe in them. So much so that they have become sacrosanct and no one even bothers to question them. When Shalu Wasu heard some for the first time, it was in the context of a training program that he was going through. His first reaction was: ‘Wow! That sounds incredible.’ In the enthusiasm of the collective wows that were generated, he, like all of us, accepted the myths as truth.
He soon realized he was not comfortable believing in them. Intuitively, Shalu Wasu knew they could not be true. Now all these myths seemed to be backed up by solid research though and he wondered if he was being his usual arrogant self by questioning these supposed universal ‘truths’. But he started his probe anyway and what he found really warmed my heart! These were myths for sure, very similar to urban legends that get popularized without any sound basis. Below are three of the most common.
MYTH ONE: You remember 10% of what you read, 20% of what you hear, 30% of what you see and 90% of what you do.
This is a widely repeated statement by trainers all over the world. Maybe you’ve been subjected to this statement at some time as well. I hope you have not made it though. The round figures are easily remembered but completely wrong. The findings can be traced to one D.G. Treichler, an employee of Mobil Oil Company, who put forth these figures in 1967. However, the NTL Institute for Applied Behavioral Science has laid claim to the figures, saying they are based on research in the early sixties and bizarrely adding that ‘we no longer have – nor can we find – the original research that supports the numbers’. Though, there are many arguments against these figures, one that is most obvious is that all the percentages are perfectly round. What research into human behaviour ever resulted in four different round numbers?
MYTH TWO: In communication, only 7% of the meaning is conveyed through the speaker’s words, 55% through his facial expressions and the rest 38% through tone of voice.
I am sure you have come across this lulu too, especially if you have attended communication or NLP programs. In one sweeping statement, words are reduced to an insignificant role in the great game of communication. Yet, when we think about this deeply, the fallacies start becoming obvious. Is it really possible that if I get lost in Shanghai and ask a passer-by for directions, I’ll have to work out the correct route mostly from their facial expressions and tone of voice, and not from the words they use? The findings are attributed to research done by Mehrabian but, in reality, they are just a distorted version of what Mehrabian himself has to say on his website. He expresses the results of his research in the form of an equation: Total liking = 7% verbal liking + 38% vocal liking + 55% facial liking. He explains that “this and other equations regarding relative importance of verbal and nonverbal messages were derived from experiments dealing with communications of feelings and attitudes (i.e. like-dislike). Unless a communicator is talking about their feelings or attitudes, these equations are not applicable.”
MYTH THREE: We use 10% of our brain (or anywhere from 1% to 15% depending upon where you have read it).
This one is so popular, even Albert Einstein is usually roped in as one of the endorsers! The media too has played a role in orchestrating this myth. Many of us therefore look at it as given. Scientists have tried for years to change this misconception. They have clearly stated that there is no scientific evidence to suggest that we use only 10% of our brains. In fact it is very hard to say what using just 10% of your brain means. It could mean that I could cut 90% of my brain and be just fine or that I just use only one out of every ten nerve cells at any one time. Let’s attack this one with common sense.
First of all, it is obvious that the brain, like all other organs, has been shaped by natural selection. Brain tissue is metabolically expensive both to grow and to run. It strains credulity to think that evolution would have permitted squandering of resources on a scale necessary to build and maintain such a massively underutilized organ. Secondly, losing far less than 90 percent of the brain to accident or disease has catastrophic consequences. Various medical tests reveal that there does not seem to be any area of the brain that can be destroyed without leaving the patient with some kind of functional deficit. Likewise, electrical stimulation of points in the brain during neurosurgery has failed so far to uncover any dormant areas where no percept, emotion or movement is elicited by applying these tiny currents.
Having dug hard and deep, I find no evidence at all to support this myth. The most powerful lure of the myth is probably the idea that we might develop psychic abilities, or at least gain a leg up on the competition by improving our memory or concentration. All this is available for the asking, the ads say, if we just tapped into our most incredible of organs, the brain. It is past time to put this myth to rest, although if it has survived at least a century so far, it will surely live on into the new millennium. The next time you are subjected to this one, just ask the speaker politely “Oh? What part don’t you use?”
Communication is the link between two people yet we go to inordinate lengths to make it complex and difficult. I have never understood the logic behind this ice-breaker that I hear often: “If you promise not to mind then I have something to say.” Of course, it implies that whatever is to be said is unpleasant. This opening gambit has always surprised me. Why would anyone insist on saying something knowing that it would not be pleasant? Of course, the gambit also permits the speaker to remain on the good side of the listener and criticize him to his heart’s content. The use of psychology in this is beautiful. Very rarely does a recipient ever say: “If there are chances that I may not like what is to be said then I do not want to hear it.” Rather, his curiosity aroused, he insists that he be told and that he is man enough to take any criticism. It is another matter that very few can really maintain their equanimity once they hear the permitted critical evaluation.
The number of people who actively invite criticism, avowing that they wish to improve themselves is also quite many. But it is generally a show of openness that is totally faked. If anyone has ever the kindness to point out their fault, they normally have arguments ready to counter it and their annoyance is complete. On the other hand intelligent people behave as if they have no idea of human nature. We employ servants and then expect them to be as knowledgeable and intelligent or passionately involved in our home or work as we are. Had the servant been a person of this calibre would he be your servant?
I have been against the negative management styles that I see around me, especially the way we counter an argument or statement to show that we are better than the others. Our management style is by scolding for mistakes made. We have some established notions of what is correct and what merits chastisement and we follow up on it with gusto. If we go back in time a little, there was a time that most senior managers came from a similar social status and educational backgrounds and there were not many faults to find with each other. But today people from vastly different economic, cultural and financial backgrounds come together and there is always bound to be something amongst our brethrens that may rub us the wrong way. The mature guy takes it in his stride but most tend to compare the other with their own selves and get irritated. The result is “scolding and flare-ups” all around us. The manager takes the route of righteousness and encloses himself in indignation and the employee gets dejected because he simply never is made to understand the “why” of it. Is it so difficult to understand that we can discuss things and that there is no real need to chastise? I have seen many people who can say their point of view only in anger. They will normally keep quiet and let things slide and then one day they burst in anger and all the dammed up complaints come out in one go in a vehement show of anger. It is so immature, this behaviour. An unpleasant action should be brought to notice and discussed right there and then and as far as possible without anger; this eliminates misunderstandings and stops the incident from being repeated in its track. Of course, if the other side continues to insist on his behaviour then a stronger dose of show of displeasure is called for.
We follow this approach even in the upbringing of our children. I have again never been able to understand this attitude. My daughter is 16 months old and is now everywhere and into everything. I think it is her natural curiosity and she should be allowed to explore. But everyone who sees me with her complains that I am not scolding her enough and that if she is not made to understand the correct ways, she will become uncontrollable and end up totally spoilt. My point of view is that she is too young to understand and that this can come later when I am in a position to explain to her the pros and cons of each action. Right now it is all play for her. More often than not she is aping me. How can I scold her when she has done no real wrong and surely no deliberate mischief? And why, even if I have something to say, why should I scold her? It will only kill her curiosity and stunt her persona. I use the method of distraction when things are getting out of hand and employ her attention elsewhere.
When we pre-empt others in speech or action and try to control them in many other million ways, we are only exercising the primary human tendency to regulate everything around us. We have a very high opinion of ourselves most of the time until disaster strikes and for a while we see our faults and reflect. We are quite certain about our wisdom and abilities and we even prove it and justify ourselves by quoting earlier “greats & gurus” as if we were on par with them while we have nothing to say from our own fount of experience and learning, except perhaps a few biting words and make the world aware of our own merits in comparison to the demerits of the rest of the world!
The solution to these situations is to develop a little charity in our thinking. Kindness and creativity is needed. We need to help the other learn if he is willing. Berating will only create stiff opposition and bad blood. We need friends around us; in it lies our own happiness.
Source: This is taken from an article by Pradeep Maheshwari, called “Meaningful communication comes from kindness and creativity!” found on Tickled by Life.
If you would like to learn more about communication, why not try our Business Communication Course which shall provide you with the skills necessary to be a good communicator.
If you cannot afford either time or money for a personal life skills course or NLP course or something like that, have a look at our time and stress management course, which will give you a great opportunity to enhance and improve your time management skills.
Here is a very informative lecture about time management.
